Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Transfer – Drawing Parallels Between Quantum Entanglement and the Deep Emotional Connections Between Parents and Children.

Have you ever felt like your family’s history somehow shapes your life more than you expected? Do you notice negative patterns in your relationships that mirror those of your parents or grandparents? Ever wonder if there’s more to family dynamics than just shared genes and learned behaviors?

In this second part of my exploration into the Quantum Physics of Parenting, I want to focus on the subject of entanglement, where subatomic atomic particles can become interconnected in ‘spooky’ ways, and how this phenomenon can apply to the linking of relationships, traumas, and the experiences that bind generations together. 

Quantum Physics of Parenting Part I – A Brief Summary

A few years ago, I took a quantum leap into parenting by questioning if the traditional rules for raising our kids truly fit the uniqueness of each child. In my blog post “Quantum Physics of Parenting – Part I” I explored the parallels between the quantum mechanics experiment known as the Double Slit Experiment and the dynamics of raising kids. 

Drawing a connection between a child’s desire for privacy and a particles’ behavior under observation, I wondered if excessive scrutiny limits a child’s potential. Exploring the societal pressures on modern parents I discussed the loss of childhood freedom, privacy, and the incessant need for constant supervision. I referenced several studies which highlighted the benefits of solitude for learning skills and forming lasting memories which would lead to children being more successful later on. 

I concluded that we should embrace diverse parenting possibilities and avoid collapsing our children into societal expectations and thus robbing them of their chance for boundless potential. I proposed a new approach to parenting in a new world where the old rules simply don’t apply. 

In my next chapter on the subject, I want to discuss another correlation with the theories of quantum physics and parenting: entanglement and how it relates to the passing of trauma and negative emotions from one generation to another. I’ve experienced this negative correlation in my own life and have put considerable effort into breaking the chain of family drama, acknowledging that my thoughts, emotions, and beliefs can be entangled with those of my parents. I am committed to not passing any of these detrimental patterns onto my own kids.

Entanglement – Spooky Action at a Distance

In the realm of quantum physics, entanglement is a phenomenon where particles become correlated, instantaneously affecting each other regardless of distance. The exploration of Quantum Entanglement dates back to 1935 when Albert Einstein, Boris Podolsky, and Nathan Rosen introduced the concept in their influential paper. Initially theoretical, subsequent quantum pioneers have not only proven the concept is valid but have significantly advanced our understanding of entangled systems. 

Breakthroughs in 1993 suggested that entangled states might communicate faster than light, and in 2017, quantum entanglement transcended Earth’s bounds and ventured into the realm of space. A group of Chinese physicists achieved a remarkable feat by successfully transmitting interconnected quantum particles from a satellite to ground stations positioned 1200 kilometers apart, shattering the previous world record. 

Today, we have quantum computers which leverage entanglement as a fundamental resource to perform certain computations more efficiently than classical computers. The quantum entanglement property enables quantum computers to perform parallel computations on multiple possibilities simultaneously. This parallelism, combined with other quantum properties like superposition and quantum interference, allows quantum computers to solve certain problems exponentially faster than classical computers.

Surprisingly, our grasp of entanglement isn’t confined to minuscule particles and lifeless things. Recent studies propose that living organisms might be harnessing entanglement in various ways. For instance, research indicates that migrating birds could be utilizing quantum effects in their visual systems to enhance sensitivity to Earth’s magnetic field. Another study proposes that the potential entanglement of electron clouds in two nucleotides could contribute to the stability of DNA. Additionally, scientists have explored the concept of entanglement to account for the unexpectedly efficient nature of the photosynthesis process.

But why should entanglement be limited to purely physical processes? While some people might consider it to be a stretch, I find it plausible that our thoughts, emotions, and beliefs intertwine with those of our parents and ancestors, creating intricate connections. So then, by sharing DNA with our parents, could our lives be affected by more than just genes? What if our shared genetic material allows us to attune to each other’s emotional and behavioral qualities as well? Our stories, emotions, and even the patterns of our thinking could be entangled in ways that extend beyond the limits of our individual lives.

Even if we do our best to escape our own family dramas, can we still be affected by their undesirable behaviors despite the distance we’ve put between us and them? Even with the intention to not become just like our own parents, can we still be pulled back in by invisible threads?

Transgenerational Trauma

An expanding body of scholarly work proposes that traumatic experiences, encompassing instances such as childhood abuse, family violence, or food insecurity, among various other factors, may be transmitted from one generation to the succeeding one. Much like particles bound across space and time, the impact of trauma appears to defy linear constraints, linking past, present, and future. 

A concept called transgenerational trauma, tells us that trauma can be passed down through familial bonds. Research has provided evidence that the experiences of their parents (and even grandparents) can leave an epigenetic marker on the DNA of children. This indicates that the echoes of trauma often transcend generations, weaving a narrative of interconnectedness akin to quantum entanglement.

Scientists have found that those who had been in utero during a famine suffered higher rates of obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and schizophrenia later in life. Also, a 2015 study on the children of 40 Holocaust survivors, found that these children had epigenetic changes to a gene linked to their levels of cortisol – a hormone involved in the stress response. While these findings undeniably suggest a direct genetic mechanism for the transmission of trauma across generations, there’s a nuance that propels us into a realm of intricate connections. The science of epigenetics reveals that our genes are not immutable blueprints but responsive to the environment.

Other research shows that even the negative behaviors of parents can lead their children down the same dark road when they go on to be parents themselves. Children of parents with a history of childhood abuse are more likely to experience abusive behavior. Parental abuse is influenced by the parents’ history of abuse, discipline consistency, and levels of depression and PTSD. Parents who have had a history of abuse committed against them as children are more prone to become abusive themselves to their own kids. So, it’s not just a fixed inheritance of trauma; it’s a dynamic dance between the experiences of our ancestors and our present environment.

As much as I tried to carve a unique path as a dad, I’ve come to appreciate the intricacies of parenting inherited through generations, recognizing that despite my best intentions, I found myself echoing the very practices I once vowed to avoid. Parenthood is indeed a journey of surprises, and the echoes of the past, whether we anticipate them or not, have a curious way of shaping our present.

Entanglement Doesn’t Have to Last Forever

Luckily, there is hope that we can break out of these set patterns of the past. Exploring the dynamics of entanglement over time reveals that it has a transient nature. Contrary to the notion of permanence, studies have illuminated instances where entanglement undergoes a fading or sudden disappearance. A noteworthy investigation, as documented in a 2009 review paper, delved into this phenomenon. This revelation of an “entanglement sudden death” introduces a captivating dimension to our understanding of the temporal intricacies inherent in quantum entanglement.

In the realm of entanglement, where the ties that bind can slowly or suddenly dissipate, there exists a profound metaphor for the human experience. Much like entanglement can evolve and undergo transformations, then so too can the echoes of intergenerational trauma. Understanding the malleable nature of entanglement invites contemplation on our capacity to break free from the constraints of familial legacies. It suggests the possibility of altering the course of our narratives, transcending the entangled threads of the past, and charting a trajectory toward healing and resilience.

However, caution is warranted if you believe yourself free of your own family’s drama, as the same investigators uncovered evidence of a phenomenon known as “revival,” suggesting that objects can re-entangle themselves. In the intricacies of entanglement, the concept of revival introduces a nuanced perspective. Much like the resurgence of entanglement in quantum systems, familial bonds (whether positive or negative) can experience a rekindling. Even as we strive for personal evolution and breaking free from the tethers of past trauma, the intricate dance of family dynamics may, at times, pull us back into the web of shared experiences. The delicate interplay between fading entanglements and potential revivals mirrors the complexities of navigating our familial dramas, where moments of reconnection and rediscovery keep up on a path of shared destinies.

Breaking the Cycle

Recognizing this potential entanglement across generations is the first step towards breaking the cycle. As parents, our journey towards emotional healing and well-being is not just a personal endeavor, but a gift to our children. As we work through our own emotional traumas, we can create a ripple effect of healing. The entanglement shifts from one of potential harm to one of shared growth and resilience.

The first step towards breaking the cycle of emotional entanglement is often the most challenging. But, as parents, when we take deliberate steps towards our own emotional healing, we initiate that healing ripple effect that resonates within our children (and may help our own parents heal even if we have no contact with them anymore). By actively working on our emotional health, we can empower our children with a legacy of resilience and emotional intelligence, ensuring that the cycle of negative entanglement ends with us. 

Practical strategies, such as therapy, mindfulness, and healthy coping mechanisms, become not only tools for personal growth but also shields against the unintentional entanglement of negative emotions that we pass on to our children. While it may seem impossible to break out of your old family cycle, there comes a moment, often unforeseen, when the balance tips and the emotional growth and healing become a shared journey within our new family units. With this shift, a new legacy can be forged. Our children learn not only from our words but from our actions. They witness the power of our personal growth and healing, and in turn, carry this wisdom forward.

Conclusion 

Just as in the quantum world, where particles can become entangled and influence each other’s states, emotions and traumas can be passed along in the intricate dance of parent-child relationships. By intentionally nurturing our own emotional well-being, we become catalysts for change. We lay the foundation for a family culture rooted in resilience, empathy, and self-awareness. 

We owe it to our kids to be better parents than our own. Even if you think your own parents did a great job with your upbringing, you should still question if their practices are still relevant in this new age and most likely should choose another path. Our world has changed so much that even the best practices of parents of the past may have no relevance to the modern challenges we face in raising kids today.

Ever since I became a father, I’ve constantly questioned the traditions and rules around parenting that don’t seem to make sense to me. I sometimes feel that in trying to honor the heritage we receive from our parents, we might be doing a disservice to our own children. I certainly have had family traumas passed on to me for no better reason than honoring some weird sense of legacy or just out of pure laziness. Therefore, I’m going to do my best to disentangle myself from the shit from my past so that I don’t spread it to my kids, because the true heritage I want for my kids is the freedom to be themselves.